The board of review is a formal and signified body connected with the board of ordnance and presided over by General Miles, to which is referred all suggestions for new weapons or other war-like devices either for offense or defense. To it go all the inventors with their latest ideas for wiping out armies at a blow or for destroying a navy in the twinkling of an eye. While such demoniac schemes cannot be used under The Hague agreement, even if practical, they are interesting as showing what the human mind can devise.
    That there is a huge crop of ingenious and bloodthirsty inventors is proved by the annual report of the board of ordnance, in which are listed all the suggestions which have been considered by them. If one of these reports should fall into the hands of the military attache of a foreign government, he would undoubtedly realize the folly of spending more millions in the construction of ordinary warships and cannon and would advise his government of the folly of attempting to right Uncle Sam once he gets these new ideas into shape.
    Take, for instance, says the Chicago Tribune, the suggestion of Mr. W. H. Herman. He is evidently of the opinion that the best tactics in war is to carry destruction into the heart of the enemy’s country. If England, for example, should be our opponent, he would take half a dozen men, a balloon and one of his big sunglasses. He would sail across the ocean either in the air or on the water, go up in the balloon, wait for a bright, sunshiny day and then turn his giant sunglass on the city of London.
    Instantaneously, as Mr. Herman is confident, the metropolis and its people would begin to smoke. Soon they would catch fire, and a conflagration would be started which would call the British fleet back home at the double quick. In the ease of London, it is admitted, the prevalence of fogs might make the use of the sunglasues somewhat visionary, but the same objections would not apply to Paris, Berlin or any other of the great world capitals.
    Strangely enough, the shortsighted board of ordnance and fortification could not see its way clear to recommending the adoption of this suggestion.
    F. Rossi, on the other hand, is an inventor who believes in meeting the foreign powers at their own game and beating them at it. If a big fleet should come over to bombard the eastern coast of the United States, Mr. Rossi suggests that a number of “disappearing warships” be sent out to give them battle. Unfortunately the report of the board does not make it clear just how Mr. Bond proposes to make his vessels disappear. The only plan which appeals to the casual reader as feasible is so to arrange matters that the defending fleet shall sail quietly out and surprise the enemy. Then firing a terrific volume before the hated foe shall have time to load its guns, each of the defending ships should dive underneath the water, disappearing from sight entirely. After remaining beneath the surface until the enemy has again been lulled into a sense of fancied security the fleet might rise again and deliver another blow. It is charitable to suppose that the board had no clearer idea of the workings of Mr. Roast’s “disappearing warship,” for the only epitaph it has in the annual report are the two words, “Not recommended.”
    No less than 13 patriotic inventors, anxious to save their country from all danger of attack by a foreign foe, submitted plays for flying machines, airship, balloons and other devices from which death and destruction could be hurled down on an approaching enemy. One of the airship projectors was a woman, and her plan sounded so feasible that it was referred to the chief signal officer for further investigation. An idea much favored by the inventors was that of a device. guided from the ground, but carrying no men, which would take up a large number of dynamite shells high into the air and travel with them until directly above an enemy’s army or battleships. By an automatic device the bombs would be then released to wreak havoc as they strike the earth or water. Several submitted plans for making and firing aerial torpedoes, which should duplicate on land the work which is done under water by such infernal machines as that which destroyed the Maine. One plan includes the erection of a tall steel tower from the top of which the enemy’s position may be spied out, while at the same time immense aerial torpedoes may he discharged. Many if not most of the airship suggestions were referred for investigation, so it would appear that along this line the ordnance board has strong hopes of success in the future.
    But if Boston and other timid localities are not yet satisfied they may read the plan of John Coefiled and rest in absolute security. John’s plan is a simple one, and it is only strange that it has not occurred to any one before. In brief, the would cover the ocean for several miles out from the port to be defended with petroleum. When the attacking fleet came into sight, but before it got near enough to do execution with its long range guns, he would touch a match to the floating oil. In other words, he would set the ocean on fire. Lest any one should fancy that it might be difficult to distribute the oil equally another gentleman suggests a system of pipe lines which might run to the far extremity of Cape Cod, with discharge stations at frequent intervals along the line. The members of the Chicago fire department, who on several occasions before the opening of the drainage canal were called on to put out the river, will doubtless give the scheme their hearty endorsement. While the oil is burning a number of balloons might be sent up to a point high above the smoke and flames, from which they could drop their bombs upon the doomed vessels of the enemy and make his discomfiture complete.
    Many inventors have devoted more attention to providing improved shells for cannon and field guns than to any other one point. One man wants to fill them with chloroform and so stupefy a whole regiment at a time. Another thinks it would be an awe inspiring plan to fill shells with inflammable oil, so that when it burst a torrent of flames would consume everything within reach. Snuff, which would set the enemy to sneezing and so render him harmless; red pepper, which would have a similar but even more violent effect; a chemical which would develop great clouds of dense smoke; prussic acid, which is the deadliest poison known, and gasoline, the explosive powers of which are painfully familiar to many housewives, are among the materials suggested as filling for shells. Not one a these startling suggestions seems to have met with favor at the hands of the board, though ridicule is admitted to be one of the most deadly of weapons, and certainly nothing could be more ridiculous, for instance, than a whole army sneezing violently from the combined effect of a rapid discharge of snuff and red pepper shells.
    Most terrible of all is the idea of a man who has a scheme for bottling lightning. This terrifying product he would use in loading shells, which he calls “lightning balls.” Their effect on even the bravest enemy, particularly if accompanied by stage thunder, can hardly be imagined.
    As a means of further improving the artillery arm of the service John Craddock thinks four cornered shells should be adopted in place of the present round or cylindrical shapes. His square shells would not glance us do the present models, but would penetrate on the first impact. Along the same line John Kauck suggests four cornered bullets, which, instead of boring a round hole through a square man would perforate all alike and never be deflected by brass buttons or cheek bones.
    And if this array of suggested horrors was not enough, G. W. Blakely has a modest plan for electrocuting an entire army with as much ease and expedition as at present a single murderer can be put out of the way. Evidently Mr. Blakely’s suggestion was too much for even the war hardened members of the ordnance board. They turned it down with an almost perceptible shudder of horror. Once Mr. Blakely’s scheme was put into practical operation of course war would be abolished, and the members of the ordnance board would be out of a job. It Is possible, therefore, that they were not entirely unprejudiced in their action.

From—The Akron Daily Democrat. (Akron, Ohio), 19 Feb. 1900. Chronicling America: Historic American Newspapers. Lib. of Congress.